A Day in the Life of Master Hand
by JazzApples
Summary: One shot and crack fic. What goes on in the everyday lives of 35 hyperactive, fight-happy beings a.k.a. the Smashers when they're not saving the world? And how do they manage to not blow up the Smash Mansion? Calamity ensues as Master Hand tries to cope with the daily lives of the Smashers.


**A/N- Hello! I am JazzApples. I am fairly new to fanfiction and this is my first Smash Brothers story. I hope you like it! By the way, I do not own SSBB.**

Sleep.

It was severely underrated. In sleep, you could forget your troubles or worries or make difficult decisions. And let's not forget, well deserved rest.

And rest was one of the things Master Hand craved so desperately. Eversince the Smashers moved into his beloved Smash Mansion, he had been all troubles and worries, and nearly no rest. That's why one of the best parts of the day for him was when he could get some sleep.

And it just so happens that Master Hand was sleeping right now. After all, he needed all of this precious resting time he could get for the chaos he knew would ensue once the Smashers dragged themselves out of their beds.

Now continuing with this lovely, precious sleep-

'MASTER HAND!'

You see why Master Hand needs his rest?

Sitting up groggily, Master Hand looked for this painfully loud voice that dared disturb his sleep.

It turned out it was Toon Link.

'Master Hand!' he wailed, 'Someone threw my sword into the lake while I was sleeping!'

And that was officially the end of Master Hand's sleep.

Master Hand sat through Toon Link's explanation of how he woke up when he heard footsteps, how he noticed his sword was missing, and how he had to wade into the middle of the Smash Mansion's lake to retrieve the Master Sword, stifling a yawn through the whole speech. When Toon Link finally stopped talking, Master Hand got up. He sighed inwardly, wondering why the Smashers couldn't just live in peace with each other like normal people.

'Wait here.' He told Toon Link. He opened up his door and set off to find the culprit of this prank.

At this moment in time, Master Hand was patrolling the now-empty corridors of the Smash Mansion sleeping wing. He was looking out for troublemakers who were somehow up at this unruly hour of 4:30 am and for the culprit of the prank played of Toon Link. As he passed another door, he heard the chuckle of someone – no, two people! He decided that this was certainly suspicious. He busted into the room.

What he found was Ness and Lucas sitting atop the bedcovers of Ness' bed, grinning wildly for some unknown but highly suspicious reason. It was bad enough that Lucas had crept into Ness' room but the fact that they were sniggering and grinning meant that something was definitely up.

Both boys looked up when he barged into the room, both smiles evaporating from their faces immediately, both desperately trying to look completely innocent so they wouldn't end up with a horrible punishment to ruin their day over what they had just done.

'Alright boys, a few questions, if you please.' Master Hand stated not-so-nicely.

'Uhh … sure?' stammered Ness, a sweat breaking out on his brow.

'Number one: why are you, Lucas, in his, Ness', room?' asked Master Hand, pointing from first Lucas, to Ness.

'Uhh … I had … a nightmare … and Ness was … cheering me up?' answered Lucas.

'Sure.' Responded Master Hand, his voice totally not dripping with sarcasm. 'So, the sniggering was just Ness cheering Lucas up?'

'Yes!' they both squeaked very quickly, becoming more nervous and fidgety by each passing second.

Master Hand paused for a second before continuing on calmly with his speech. 'You know, it is very suspicious, the fact that tow young _mischief making _boys congregated in one room, were chuckling uncontrollably over no rational reason, in the same hour that Toon Link's sword was thrown into the lake, huh?'

The two boys were now shivering on the bed, sweat pouring down their faces as they took in what Master Hand had just said.

Then Master Hand delivered the final blow;

'_I wonder who they could be?_'

Suddenly, everything poured from Ness and Lucas' mouths;

'It was just a bit of fun, I swear-'

'We didn't mean to!-'

'It fell into the lake-'

'The door was unlocked, anyway-'

'Please don't punish us-'

'We won't ever prank ever again!'

'_Too late boys.'_ Master Hand stated in a dangerous tone as he cut off the boys' excuses. 'What punishment should I give you?'

The boys' gulped. This wasn't going to be good.

'Let's see … how about … a week's ban from the training ground? Yes, that will do.'

'NOOOO!' The boys' screamed.

It was a miracle the other Smashers didn't wake up at that noise.

Master Hand floated back to his room with an air of achievement, have accomplished what he set out to do and could now go back to his wondrous sleep. He arrived at this room with Toon Link still standing where he'd left him.

'The problem's sorted; you can go now.' He announced to Toon Link.

'Thank you Master Hand.' He replied before scuttling off back to his room.

Master Hand sighed with relief. Peace and quiet at last. Now, about sleeping … he got back into bed, started drifting off-

'MASTER HAND!'

Clearly, this was going to be a long day.

After an incident involving Marth's hair products tipped down the sink by Link, Pit dragged down the corridor by Ike for no apparent reason and Lucario's stash of chocolate stolen by some very hungry Ice Climbers; it was 8:30 am, the time when the Smashers had breakfast.

The Smashers were seated around a very long and very posh wooden dining table when Master Hand entered the dining room. The Smashers fell silent, waiting for the chance to start eating. The giant hand took his place at the head of the table.

'You may begin.' He said.

All at once, the Smashers whirred into motion, grabbing the toast, pouring the cereal, scooping up the egg. After they had settled with their respective breakfast, gossip and chatter was exchanged with friends, the main subject being the latest pranks, seeing as news spread quickly in the Smash Mansion. Ness, Lucas, Link, Ike and the Ice Climbers, Master Hand noticed, were not inclined to join in with today's news, seeing the punishments they got for their deeds were harsh.

It all started with a pinched slice of toast.

Seeing as the Smashers had large appetites, there was no more food left to go around. Bowser, the large creature he was, was still feeling rather peckish and was currently eyeing the large stack of food Kirby had to feed his ever-bottomless stomach. There was a slice of toast at the edge of said stack, hidden from Kirby's view and right next to Bowser. He decided this was his best chance.

As quick as a flash, Bowser's paw snapped over to the unfortunate piece of toast, snatched it up and crammed it into his mouth. It was a fast manoeuvre, but not fast enough.

Kirby saw all he needed to.

As he turned back to his breakfast, Kirby glimpsed a speeding paw. It snatched a piece of toast, HIS piece of toast and stuffed it into the paw's owner's mouth. Bowser's.

Never, under ANY circumstances, take Kirby's food.

Kirby immediately dropped his previous food-related engagement and proceeded to whack Bowser in the stomach with his hammer. Bowser became enraged with this sudden hit and slashed back with his claws. Kirby countered with his Stone ability, causing Bowser's hand to rebound past his face and slap the person sitting next to him. This person just happened to be Zelda. Furious at this move, she grabbed Bowser by the neck and threw him across the table. Bowser slammed into none other than Peach, who was knocked out of her chair and spilling her tea. This had now caught the attention of everyone at the table, including Master Hand. Master Hand rose and tried to quell the fighting.

'Smashers, please! Just calm down and eat breakfast!'

None of the Smashers heard or noticed him, though; as they were too busy egging on the fight.

Peach was now beyond livid. Her tea had been spilt. She picked up her uneaten croissant and hurled it straight at Bowser's face, where it met its target. The caused Bowser to grab a slice of bacon and throw it at Peach, who nimbly side-stepped, causing this slice of bacon to hit Meta Knight. There was a sharp intake of breath; getting Meta Knight angry was a bad idea. Bowser emitted a whimper. The knight removed the bacon from his mask and slowly turned to face his attacker, brandishing a baguette in his hand like a sword. A silence followed, everyone wanting to see what followed, Samus making funeral arrangements. All of a sudden, Meta Knight threw the baguette at Bowser with one swift movement, heading towards Bowser's nose with deadly accuracy. As it hit Bowser's nose full on, the baguette split in two with the force and was sent flying at the heads of two other Smashers. They bounced off the heads of both Snake and Ganondorf, both readying other food items for flinging. Breaking the silence, Sonic shouted 'Food fight!'

Chaos ensued.

Master Hand, who had been watching the turnout of events tried to regain order.

'Smashers, please! There is no need to fight-' he was cut off when a stray sausage hit his palm. Master Hand abandoned hope of stopping the ongoing food war, leaving room and the Smashers, hoping they would at least clean up after themselves.

It was 10:00 am and Master Hand was sitting at his desk, despairing at what had become of his life recently. He had just decided to go for a stroll around the grounds of the Smash Mansion to relax his mind when a certain someone decided to burst into the office.

Crazy Hand, Master Hand's, well, crazy brother.

'HELLOOO, BRUVAA!' shouted Crazy Hand, in a distinct and extremely maniacal tone.

'Um, hello Crazy.' Greeted Master Hand somewhat reluctantly, trying to stop Crazy Hand from swaying drunkenly into various items around the office, and failing. Master Hand decided that the best course of action would be to wait until Crazy exhausted himself. Master Hand sat back down, wondering how on Earth he was relatives with Crazy, let alone his brother.

Meanwhile, the sounds of smashing, breaking and clunking, as well as maniacal whoops of joy were heard all over the Smash Mansion by every Smasher. The thought that floated into everyone's heads was; 'Crazy Hand is here: run and hide.'

Once Crazy Hand had sat on the floor, exhausted, Master Hand floated up to him.

'Now Crazy,' he began, speaking very slowly, 'Have you had your medication today?'

Crazy Hand thought for a moment. 'Medication? He asked. 'Oh, err, no! I think they got incinerated. Yeah, that's it! They got incinerated, y'know, when I accidentally set a box of matches on fire, with my lasers and burnt down half the mansion?'

This was why Crazy Hand was the spirit of destruction.

Master Hand sighed. 'I'll go get the other pack. Now please, STAY HERE and DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING. Okay?'

Crazy nodded.

Master Hand prayed that the Mansion wouldn't blow up, or that he would find his office strewn around the corridor.

Once Crazy Hand had safely been given his medication and had gone outside, Master Hand had gone back to his office to sort out the Smashers' health insurance. He glanced at the clock hanging on the wall and saw that it was 10:30 am. Great. Time to organise the Smashers' lunch. Master Hand quickly left his office to oversee the preparation of lunch. After all, with Kirby making it, who knows what could happen?

Arriving in the kitchen, he was thankful to see Peach helping Kirby with lunch while at the same time, checking to make sure Kirby hadn't eaten any of the ingredients. Kirby was making masses of sandwiches, lots of interesting fillings included, while Peach was making one of her famed cakes. The hand decided that would watch them at it while he was here.

At first, things went pretty well. Kirby wasn't eating anything, although he did keep sneaking glances at the pantry, while Peach's cake mixture was coming along nicely. After a while though, things started to get pear-shaped. What? This is the Smashers we're talking about!

It started when Master Hand caught Peach sneaking a whole bag of sugar into her cake mixture. Even though the cake was going to be big, even he knew you didn't just put a bag of sugar into a cake mixture. Besides, he didn't want to have to hire a dentist for the Smashers, knowing full well how things might turn out.

'Peach,' he began, 'Should you really be putting a whole bag of sugar into the cake mixture?'

'Yes!' Peach answered enthusiastically, 'Well, no, but it doesn't matter because-'

'Putting a whole bag of sugar into the cake could give everyone rotten teeth, and that means I would have to hire a dentist to check them out.' Master Hand cut off.

Peach grimaced at the idea, not liking where it was going. 'Okay, I won't put- WAIT! KIRBY! DON'T EAT THEM!'

Kirby, meanwhile, had grown ever more famished during this argument and had started eyeing the sandwiches he had made. Before he knew it, his mouth was open and the fate of the sandwiches had been decided. Within seconds, they were gone.

Master Hand sighed. This was the problem with Kirby cooking. Sure, he was a great chef but he had the tendency to eat his cooking.

Master Hand turned to Kirby. 'Kirby, you can go now. Peach and I will handle things from here.'

Kirby nodded and set off to find some more stuff to eat.

Master Hand turned back to the bread and butter, hoping he still knew how to cook.

It was 12:00 pm and Master Hand had only just finished helping to make all of the Smashers' sandwiches. He had never paid attention to how much the Smashers ate before. Hmm … maybe he needed to make cuts … Before he knew it, he could hear the sounds of the Smashers taking their places at the table. It was time for the food to make an entrance.

As Peach and her Toad took the plates of lunch in, the hand took his place at the head of the table. The chatting ceased temporarily as the Smashers eyed plate after plate of sandwiches, bread rolls and various fillings.

Then Master Hand spoke the words he would later come to regret; 'Let's eat.'

All at once, the Smashers lunged for their lunch of choice. Master Hand watched as the Smasher nearest to him, Jigglypuff, reached for a jam sandwich. He watched as the Pokémon delicately bit down on the sandwich. There was a second of silence. Then Jigglypuff suddenly upped from its seat and proceeded to be sick in the nearest bin. The Balloon Pokémon walked back muttering a barrage of Pokéspeak which, Master Hand guessed, was none too polite. Master Hand looked up to see similar results from the other Smashers, a lot running away to vomit and all harshly criticizing the meal. Even Kirby and Yoshi were looking pretty queasy as they tried to hold on to their lunch. Then Ganondorf, feeling both furious and ill, spoke the words that were on every Smasher's mind.

'Who was it that dared feed us this trash?'

Some looked in Peach's direction while some in Kirby's. However, seeing where their eyes were pointing, they quickly followed their gaze. And gasped.

The only thought running through Master Hand's head as he sat sheepishly under the gaze of the furious Smashers was wondering if his cooking was really that bad. It couldn't possibly be that bad, could it?

Could it?

Reaching over to the plate, Master Hand grabbed a ham sandwich and took a bite with his figurative mouth. He instantly paled as much as a white disembodied hand could.

It was bad.

Master Hand turned back to the livid Smashers and gulped. 'Now, calm down, I'll explain it-'

He didn't even get the chance to finish his sentence.

'GET HIM!' shouted Ike.

The results weren't pretty.

When Master Hand had fled the dining room, locked himself in his office and had had the chance to calm down, it was 1:00 pm. Funny how time flies, he thought to himself.

But now it was the afternoon, most Smashers would be outside in the grounds, brawling. At this rate, what more chaos could ensue?

Deciding that it fell upon him to keep the order of the Mansion, Master Hand sped down the corridor to the door leading to the training grounds, hoping that the Smashers had forgiven him for the lunchtime mishap and that there would not be another riot on sight. On arrival, Master Hand noticed the lack of Smashers in the grounds. He concluded that most Smashers had decided to find the nearest town to have lunch in, making up for the lack of lunch at lunch. However, there were still a fair few Smashers to keep an eye on.

It seemed uneventful at first, but this being the Smash Mansion, things quickly got out of hand.

Diddy Kong and Donkey Kong were among the few Smashers who decided not to go out and eat, partly because they had a whole stash of bananas to feast on. At that particular moment in time, they were sitting and watching a brawl between Samus and Snake while eating banana after banana. However, the banana peels were strewn all across the ground behind them, too busy watching the excitement of the brawl to care about waste disposal. It just so happens that Wolf was walking along behind them, trying to watch his step when Diddy Kong threw another peel over his shoulder, right into Wolf's path, causing him to step on it and promptly slip over onto his backside. The few Smashers watching started to laugh, prompting others to as well. Wolf was none too pleased.

He quickly got up and dusted himself off and walked over to Diddy Kong and Donkey Kong, who were completely unaware of what happened. He tapped the little monkey on the shoulder.

'What was that for, Monkeyface?' he snarled, cracking his knuckles, much to Diddy Kong's horror.

Diddy Kong squeaked and tried to run away from the imminent danger, but Wolf picked him up by the shirt.

'Let's see how you like this!' he shouted, readying a punch.

Before Wolf could act, however, Diddy Kong kicked Wolf in the stomach. Wolf's grip on Diddy Kong slackened and Diddy Kong pried himself from his grip.

This just made Wolf even more enraged. 'C'mere, you!' he shouted, making to go after the fleeing monkey.

Before he could get his hands on him, though, he was apprehended by Donkey Kong, who was not pleased that someone had dared attack his friend. He swung a Giant Punch at the wolf, which hit its mark.

Wolf was sent flying backwards into an unsuspecting figure, which just so happened to be Lucario, who was trying to enjoy a chocolate bar in peace. The Pokémon was very angry that someone had had the nerve to disrupt his moment of tranquillity. Wolf still dazed, Lucario prepared a Force Palm, his red eyes glinting menacingly.

The screams of pain reverberated around the whole training grounds.

This had caught the attention of everyone on the grounds, including Master Hand. He came floating over to inspect the scene. He turned the corner and did a double take.

Wolf was lying on the floor howling in pain while Lucario was leaning against the wall, innocently munching on some chocolate. He looked up as the hand approached.

'Lucario, what happened?' Master Hand asked the Aura Pokémon.

'What happened? I do not know, I was jus eating my chocolate in peace.' He replied telepathically.

Master Hand suspected that that probably wasn't the case but since no one else was speaking up and the fact that he didn't want any more trouble, he decided to leave it as it was. As soon as he turned his back, however, there was a loud thud and a lot of angry grumbling about littering. Master Hand turned around to see what it was this time and almost burst into laughter.

Lucario ha turned to go back to his room and while eating his chocolate, had not noticed the growing pile of banana skins on the floor. The result was one Pokémon on its butt.

Now Lucario was really furious.

'Who was idiotic enough to cast banana peels on the ground, where anyone could slip on them?' he growled.

There was a silence. After a few moments, Donkey Kong sheepishly raised his hand.

'THAT'S IT, YOU DIE!' shouted Lucario, throwing an Aura Sphere at the ape. The on looking Smashers, excited at the prospect of a massive Free For All, decided to join in a beat each other up.

Master Hand sighed. This just wasn't his day.

Thankfully for the hand, the rest of the day passed uneventfully. He assumed that the Smashers had been too tired or beaten up to try any more mischief. However, it had taken him three hours to break up the brawl, cordon off the training grounds for the day and issue punishment warnings on all notice boards, stating that the punishment for mischief, purposeful violence off the training grounds, rioting and pranking would be a week long ban from the training grounds. Maybe this had to do with the peace of the evening.

It was now 10:00 pm and all the Smashers were in their rooms, hopefully sleeping. Master Hand was feeling pleased, maybe he could enjoy a peaceful sleep tonight and maybe even a peaceful day in the near future. The prospect was nearly too good to be true.

On that happy thought, the hand went to bed.

Sleep.

Joyous, calming sleep.

He deserved such tranquillity after such a horrid and eventful day. Sometimes he wished the Smashers wouldn't be so hyperactive and violent.

He was starting to drift off.

Peaceful sleep. Calming sleep. He needed it to survive the chaos of Smash Mansion. Now, back to those peaceful dreams-'

'MASTER HAND!'

… Clearly, he needed a holiday.

**A/N: I hoped you liked this story! Please leave a review and constructive criticism is welcome. Thank you for reading!**


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